Try Another One

Hey,

I haven’t written in a while. Not for any one reason. I just have not taken the time to seek God for a word to talk about. I figure most of you will read this to find out what is going on. No, not today, sorry. I will tell you how I am impacted. Well, partially.

Yesterday was not a great day, to say the least. I made a decision to go to church after having dropped off a woman very precious to me. I had a list of “to-dos” and responsibilities to get back to, but I chose to take a right rather than a left. The left would have taken me home to my family, my responsibilities, and my chaos. I chose to take a right. To the right, I was headed to church. Roughly an hour early, I sat in the car and waited for a phone call. Not from my husband asking when I would be home to take out our new 11 chihuahuas I have stored in my office, which is a no dog zone. Not from Grandma who offered to keep my youngest for a couple of days, but from that person I dropped off. I wanted her to be okay.

Finally, 7 o’clock came. I went into the church. I listened to the worship music. I never forgot that God is in control. No matter any outcome, God has a plan for every situation and will turn it into a kingdom building opportunity. That, I have no doubt. My prayers began for healing and restoration, and I know that the Lord answers prayers. I have been praying for my material items and God is showing me what is truly important. Anyway, as the music played, one of the pastors grabbed the mike and said, “If you are experiencing anxiety, fear, depression, etc, come line up so some of our prayer team can pray with you.” So, I decided I could use the extra prayer.

I went up, with a line of others side by side, each assigned a different person to pray. The woman praying for me asked to give her specifics so she knew what to pray for. I couldn’t answer. Listen Lady, I’m here for anxiety, I don’t trust you with my situation. She asked again, but I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say. She continued praying for another minute. So, I am being generous when I tell you this woman prayed MMAAAYYYBBEEE 5 minutes. I looked up, no one was there and she said, “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but I’m going to sit down.”

That being said, I left. I have been strong all day. That moment my brother called to check on me. As soon as I picked up the phone I couldn’t stop the tears. I had let my guard down to the wrong people, so I became weak. My brother said the most profound words to me in that moment, “That’s why we go to small churches”.

I do not blame every church. I do not blame God. I did learn the lesson that God had meant for me. I belong in a small church. I belong in a church that will support me when I am weak. I belong somewhere that will pray through with me, even if it is in the back of the church. I belong somewhere that I will not be abandoned in my moment of grief.

Church leaders, don’t offer prayers for such deep wounds as anxiety and depression and not pray through. “We’re going places. This church is going to be blessed”. Well, that’s because the truly broken probably leave.

Church hurt is real, but I will not let that define every single Christian. I will not let that define every single large church. So, try another one.